and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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