im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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