Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
