even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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