I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
