so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
