Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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