I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the liver wants what the liver wants
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
