I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
