the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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