it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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