I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
