My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
