Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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