I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
