i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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