just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
