Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
