my vag is so smooth its legendary
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
