I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize