He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize