I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
