We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
