it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
