Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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