I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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