We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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