i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
