The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
