Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
