I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
