I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
