so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
then he tried to convert me to islam
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize