Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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