my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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