i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
