he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
