Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
