you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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