Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
