remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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