Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
