I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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