I want to make a zoo with you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
