??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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