I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk is not a location!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
