Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
People in love make me want to vomit
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
