haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
