I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
