Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
