I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
