the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize