with your own penis?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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