I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
