My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
