My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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