piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
