Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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