I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
