It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
