when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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