Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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