i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
