I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
