He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
