Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
