So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
